'Take it On The Chin' Pt. 3 The Final Blow

'Take it On The Chin' 

Pt. 3 The Final Blow

End of Pt. 2

Well, let me just say that my younger brother did not put down his sword.  He continued to look me in my eye and fight my arrogance with all that he had.  He tried his best to hit my arrogance as hard as he could but without grunting at me.  He was trying his best to be careful, wise, and impacting when he spoke because he is all to familiar with the arrogance that traps me in on all sides. My brother is just taking the blows as I am throwing them.  He's getting cut off in mid-sentence, he's getting yelled at, he getting head nods and head shakes before and after every suggestion he offers-the boy is trying to talk to me and I JUST COULD NOT HEAR HIM. 

Then suddenly he said to me, "Bump, I feel like I am failing you!"  Everything in me including the blood in my veins came to a screeching stop like a car skidding for some feet with the brakes totally engaged. Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee>>>>>>>>...

Pt. 3 The Final Blow

...Immediately, touched, broken, breeched, and dizzied by the one blow that he had thrown was ironically the one blow he never threw.  

My arrogance put up such a wall on all sides, it did such a great job of pushing him off the line and keeping him at a distance as much as possible, my arrogance left him looking for ways to approach his own brother, until he felt lost himself, and began to retract.  He felt as if he was about to do the same thing he was asking me not too, as if his hope for me was disappearing: and to him/for him, it would have been a reflection of him giving up on me, failing me.  

Tears grew faster than I could speak; like a flagman with two flags waving my hands in front of me I motioned him to stop speaking and say nothing; I had to sway my upper body in a circular motion as if it were creating a cycle of breath or building enough power to create the strength to speak through the pain, while it was only a reaction of anxiety and tension; I tried to look at him, but instead had to look away immediately, as not to fall into tears in my younger brother's face.  Finally, I collected myself enough to recognize in a split second-my arrogance, and in that split second I chose quickly to CHOOSE the arrogance out of my life immediately.  There was no way that I would allow my arrogance to hurt my brother, and in such a painful way as it already has.

Looking my brother directly in the eyes I say to him, "You can never fail me, man!"  

Now my brother noticing the effect his statement had on me, he almost falls emotional but unselfishly holds his composure to listen to what I am saying to him.  Telling him he can never fail me, and to please not for one-second believe that it would be the case because I look UP to him and CONFIDE in him even as my younger brother.  Continuing on, I told him that I am learning from him and that from this point on I am going to look to his lead, and I quickly looked away when I was finished. 

All I could think is-"How could I allow myself to press upon my brother the feeling that he failed me?"

As time passes and we spend the next few days together I do more than just listen, I listen closely absorbing his words.  One thing my brother insisted I do is, "Take it on the chin!"  He repeatedly told me over the course of four days to, "Take it on the chin, Bump!"  Every time I would look at him and want to say something - whether it be offensive or defensive — he would stop me and say, "Take it on the chin, Bump!"  He would smile too, and I would listen to him, listen closely, and say nothing, and later evaluate it all. Ian reminded me to be like the stone is the reflection of a man, a steady man, a man that will handle his dealings appropriately and in a calm manner, as a man in God's image should do.  

Did our prophets take it on the chin?  

So why should I not do the same if I believe I am in made in God's image?

In addition, my brother reminded me that I was giving up, even when I thought I wasn't.  Repeatedly claiming, "I can't take it anymore," or "What else am I supposed to do" — are all signs that I am giving up, even if I am just making these claims and don't necessarily believe them: nothing good is manifested from such practices.  

Oddly, when I was making all these claims, my brother was looking at me like I was crazy and I couldn't figure out why or what his look was actually saying to me.  Ws he laughing at me inside, was he looking at me like I had two heads, was he looking at me like I had no idea what I was talking about, or was he looking at me because he could not believe how ignorant his older brother could be?  He's squinting at me and his forehead is all wrinkled with questions.  

After landing in New York it hit me:  Ian was looking at me with such a puzzled look because he could not understand or fathom the idea of me not being able to DO something, not being able to BE something, not being able to go any further.  My brother could not understand it because he believed in me, he believed I was stronger than I thought myself to be.  Ian is aware of my strength, as I should be but sometimes lose sight of the power invested in me.  This is something God does for me as well — has faith in me when I do not have faith in myself.

(applicable to most physical, mental, and social relationships)