Anniversary of Tragedy

Soon I will face the anniversary of tragedy.

It has it’s own way of waking me.

It shakes me by the shoulder, and the surprise is crushing.

Unexpected, the belief in it all, is impossibly simple.

Concisely confusing, it is brief in its form and non-comprehensive.

Seeming tangible but it is not.

A fading existence, trying to hold on to memories

Memories appear misty and become translucent.

With an eager eye as if it were a reaching hand, I look.

 With hopes to hold on to what is left of it all.

Let go and let HIM.

Let HIM hold onto the treasures that pain me.

Let HIM hold down the rising tides that rush my shores and salt my shell.

Let go and allow myself,

Allow myself to gain understanding so that he may grant me direction.

So that HE may lead me through the tragedy of LOVE and its clutches. 

Chords

When I was a youngster…

Seconds turned into minutes, minutes became hours

Sometimes I waited long into the night before I-

Before I heard the tune of your pain at the piano

Most nights like clockwork you came home and you played

Your scales you played over and over again were

Reflective of your personality, always wanting to be better

A person better you were, more than you knew

Because all you knew were your mistakes

But, that’s not the case- you were great

You were unapproachable but it bared no weight

On me, as I am the son of a humble and powerful king

Powerful in his silence and humble in his nature

You were all these things- to me- and so much more

The peaceful elephant the powerful lion dare not tussle alone with

The young teenager trying to figure out the meaning of life

The hardworking ever-hoping blue-collar father

Trying to feed his family, but trying to feed his hunger

Trying to quench his thirst a presence like thunder

An eerie rumble that shook the world around you

Caught between you and your self, you were-

You were- so sick and so closed, and you so chose better

You so chose vision, hope, and you chose my brother and I

You were healing, and as your eyes opened you understood

The extent of, and severity of, a son’s love for his father

You had wisdom that needed me, as I listened

With battered ears as a young boy

To the surprise of my adult years your guidance

Was- IS worthy of a loving father

You genuinely wanted the best for me

And even when it seemed you could not fathom life

I knew- I knew underneath the thick layer of pain

Were smiles that pierced me like the sun’s rays.

You were amazing and I was amazed

Maybe, just maybe it was the chords you played

With a sound so quiet and yet so profound

I Will Not Pretend

I will not pretend. 

Falling to me knees is what I needed. 

Last night the word unmanageability was the subject of discussion.

Amongst (it) were other powerful words.

‘Unmanageable’ spoke to me as if it were a person in our circle. 

While others spoke, Unmanageable began to quiet itself. 

When I entered the room every thing was in order, so I thought.

Voices lead the way, I listened, and I listened some more.

The first voice spoke as if HE put the story in place for me to hear.

The voice spoke of relative misfortunes and shortcomings, I was familiar.

But so unfamiliar am I that I needed to understand, and I tried.

As time passed and the speaker continued, my emotions were not so becoming.

Becoming unmanageable they were.

I thought to myself.

I tucked deep down inside those tears and tried hard not to vomit feelings.

The speaker spoke, and while the speaker spoke to the circle, HE spoke to me.

HE tells me to listen and to share my feelings.

Now with two voices, one inside and the other out, I try to hear what is said.

I try hard to hear what is meant for me, I understand that I am beside support.

I am beside hearts.

Trust me or do not trust me the speaker says but DO TRUST HIM.

Trust in HIM that I may be thankful for waking today.

Thank HIM for allowing me to be conscious in my sleep.

The speaker was troubled by the words, warranted words.

Working doubly hard to not let the unmanageability of emotions take control of the podium.

A breath, and then silence.

Another breath, and more silence between words.

I looked on with great empathy.

HE was with me.