After my father passed I was done off. I had hit bottom face down. I felt like I had lost the one person in life that truly BELIEVED in me, who did not JUDGE me, who was CONFIDENT I could achieve - and was capable of- more than I myself could believe, the one person who OFTEN reminded me of how far I had come as a son, a father, and a human being.
I would catch him looking at me with piercing eyes and his serious and calm face. I'd say "What's up Pop?" And he would tell me such things, and say things he's never said. I recognized that sometimes it took a great courage for him to show his affection: but he did, and I was grateful For his effort. I am grateful I can still hear him today. I hear him clearly through my brother Ian Claxton.
Confused and lost without him. I was at the brink of losing everything: my family, my job, my life. So I took a trip to California to run away, to escape. Without knowing, so clouded I did not realize, I was staying with Ian and his beautiful family on my father's Born Day (Sept 20th).
It was that night my Ian and I had an intense exchange of words and emotions. Through it all he shared with me what I thought I lost with my father. Ian truly BELIEVED in me, he did not JUDGE me, he was CONFIDENT I could achieve - and was capable of- more than I myself could believe, he would come to reminded me of how far I had come as a son, a father, a brother, and as GOD's son.
I came to tears that night in disbelief, as Ian's confidence in me was remarkable, and his faith sparked the flame that warmed my spirit and brought me back to life.
I surrendered to my little brother and asked him to tell me what I needed to do, and told him I would listen and do whatever it took: frustrated, broken, angry, terrified, sad, empty. He told me, and I listened, and I committed to doing as he said.
He said,"Bump, have faith in HIM."
Often Ian sends me text messages and calls me. We are closer than we've ever been. He helped me to restore: BELIEF in myself, the CONFIDENCE that I can achieve - and I am capable of- anything I set out to do. He, taught me to recognize how far I've come as a son, a father, a human being, and GOD's son.
Since then my life has taken taken the best turn in 39 years. Since then I have witnessed the blessings and the promises come to life. Since then I can say life has been miraculous.
This morning, I am THANKING GOD for having my brother Ian in my life.
Friday, September 13, 2013
Bryant Park, Checkmate
I was nervous. He asked me my name, and I told him my name is Choice, and he told me his name was Charles. I nodded my head and shook his hand showing him respect for accepting my challenge.
While I was sitting down and placing my bag to my side, I see out of the corner of my eye, a movement. In a flash, in split second timing, with light speed, and without me even seeing him do so, he had reached across the board and removed my h7 pawn (King's Side), and in the same swipe of the hand he removed his a2 pawn. By the time it took me to sit, set my bag down, and look up he sat staring at me as if nothing happened. Only when I looked at the board and noticed the two pawns missing - which were not only a second ago- did I truly notice what he had done. Bewildered, I said nothing and looked back him with a blank stare. As soon as I was about to ask if we were going to start without the pawns, as soon as I twitched a lip, he pulled his 2 fists from below the table and placed them at eye level in front of me. He said nothing and stared at me. I asked him, "Pick one?" He nodded to say yes. I picked his right hand, which was my left because I am a lefty. He opened his hand and showed the white pawn. It was a game before the game, his way of a fair decision as to which side we would control. He then turned the rubber chess board around so that I was sitting behind the white army of pieces.
Because I was nervous I blurted out to him that it was my first time ever sitting down to play in NYC. He chuckles and said, "(When) I win I hope you wouldn't mind offering me a small donation. "I chuckled back and said I need to get back home on the train Sir.
I made my first move: queen's pawn, e2:e4. He responded, and the opening game was afoot. Quickly we established our pieces, and my opening game seemed to have surprised him. After 5-6 moves we were into the mid game, at which time I made a crucial but wise sacrifice- my knight for his pawn opening up the right flank, or h file to attack his castled king. It through him off as I hoped it would and left him open to attack, and let me establish in the next two moves a strong and powerful position. He retreated, and I pushed with more pressure.
While at the beginning it was just he and I with nobody around us, by this time people began to gather around and watch as the game became more intense and fast. With good position I knew I had to sacrifice more inventory to set up to capture his king. And so I did, and it through him off even more as he was up in inventory. He was wise enough to know I was up to something, and I was wise enough to know I needed to play aggressive to have a chance against him.
Knowing I was close to checkmate and he was up in inventory he began to play his strong pieces and attack with full force, and he was smart to do so because he pushed to the point that he also placed me under great pressure. The onlookers watched quietly and did not move a muscle. Surrounded by people and across the board from a park player I became more nervous, but I kept my focus, as one wrong move and he would mate me with ease.
Suddenly, in the end game we were at each other's throats - Queen to Queen, and my pieces were few but strategically placed so that there was no room for him to make a mistake. Quickly, I move my queen to place him in check and he had the choice to take my queen or retreat. However, knowing if he would have took my queen my rooks and my knight were in place to wipe out his fortress surrounding his queen. Every bit of me hoped that he would retreat in fear of losing his fortress and he did. He relocated his king and did not take my queen, at which point I stormed his beach.
I confronted him powerfully and with every bit of strength and strategy I had left on the board. Every move after was a check. He retreated again and again until I backed his king down to my king side. Finally, he was one move away from checkmate as he knew it. He took minutes to figure out how he let it happen, to try and figure a way out of the checkmate. He leaned back and folded his hand behind his head. He looked up and let out a big sigh of disbelief. He had lost, and my next move was the closing. Instead of letting me put him in checkmate, he leaned forward and said, "There's no way around it, I tried to find a way out. You've won youngster." I smiled softly, but every part of my insides were screaming with victory. My smile wanted to boast with pleasure but I did not let it.
An onlooker asked him why he did not take my queen when he had the chance. He explained to the guy that it was a trap. Had he taken my queen I would have closed on him soon after. In my head, I felt a sense of pride that he recognized what I had done. He told me he was impressed, an tipped his king.
I stood up, he stood up, we shook hands and I bowed my head and thanked him for the match and his time. He said it was a pleasure.
I grabbed my bag, and although I had defeated him, I reached in my pocket took out $2 and handed it to him. Once again, thanking him for a great game of chess.
As I walked away I jumped on the phone and called my mother immediately because I was suppose to meet with her a half hour before then. She said, "What happened Bump, are you okay?" I excitedly told her that I had just finished and won my first game ever in a NYC park. She laughed at me because I let out all the excitement that I held back while in front of the old man and the people surrounding us while we played. She said, "Great, I'll meet you outside on the 45th side, and you can tell me all about it over lunch."
Beautiful day in Manhattan-
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