I Will Not Pretend

I will not pretend. 

Falling to me knees is what I needed. 

Last night the word unmanageability was the subject of discussion.

Amongst (it) were other powerful words.

‘Unmanageable’ spoke to me as if it were a person in our circle. 

While others spoke, Unmanageable began to quiet itself. 

When I entered the room every thing was in order, so I thought.

Voices lead the way, I listened, and I listened some more.

The first voice spoke as if HE put the story in place for me to hear.

The voice spoke of relative misfortunes and shortcomings, I was familiar.

But so unfamiliar am I that I needed to understand, and I tried.

As time passed and the speaker continued, my emotions were not so becoming.

Becoming unmanageable they were.

I thought to myself.

I tucked deep down inside those tears and tried hard not to vomit feelings.

The speaker spoke, and while the speaker spoke to the circle, HE spoke to me.

HE tells me to listen and to share my feelings.

Now with two voices, one inside and the other out, I try to hear what is said.

I try hard to hear what is meant for me, I understand that I am beside support.

I am beside hearts.

Trust me or do not trust me the speaker says but DO TRUST HIM.

Trust in HIM that I may be thankful for waking today.

Thank HIM for allowing me to be conscious in my sleep.

The speaker was troubled by the words, warranted words.

Working doubly hard to not let the unmanageability of emotions take control of the podium.

A breath, and then silence.

Another breath, and more silence between words.

I looked on with great empathy.

HE was with me.